Still in need of.

The relief of the rest of the stress.

So I passed my Drivers license test. But now all that stressed me is still everything else.
I've got one thing out of the way, but so much more left over.

I'm finally entering into the real world now, and its all so overwhelming to the mind.
I don't know if I'm just making it into such a huge deal or if everyone goes through it also but just learns to cope with it after a while...

Well, all I can say is, I will be very busy trying to concentrate and focus on my NEEDS.

Lovely!

It's so nice out today. I just wish it weren't so windy, so that I could actually sit outside and enjoy it.

Lately I haven't had any motivation to do any school work. I've been slacking, and I shouldn't because I still have a whole quarter/term of classes until summer break.

Gosh I hope it goes by quickly!

And I also hope this stupid cold/runny nose of mine stops acting this way because I'm really getting sick of it!

Sigh of relief, yet still so nervous.

All week I've had thoughts of contemplation, and now they have filled my heart with joy.

Today:
Steadily ready, but to such an extent I start to feel powerless inside. I know I had done horribly. I just somehow hope it will all turn around. I'm afraid of that disappointment that awaits me. I start to wonder if maybe my mind is just over thinking the possible outcomes, thinking it's worst.
I knew what was expected, why wasn't I prepared? I absolutely HATE how I live that way of procrastination and crashing everything in at the very last moment.
I was so ready to face the battle, well I thought I was at least. Despondency never hesitated to take over as soon as I set eyes on the battle field.

ACT's SUCK BUTT! There, I think that sums up what I was trying to say. Ahaha!

Hurry up and cut me open all at once.

April, terrible stressful month.

Grandma.

I woke up this morning, and its quiet.

I go upstairs and my Grandma walks around, not knowing what to do with herself anymore.
I can see that she is crying quietly to herself so I decide to make something for her too.

The kids are gone, I guess their mom came to pick them up.

She packs up her things, and stares out the window.

I heard from someone that "she" was going to come back. I'm surprised my dad hasn't told me this yet, but I could kind of tell because when he got home last night, my grandma was yelling and lecturing him about it. Right then and there i could tell what was going on, and I had hoped all night that it wouldn't be true. Because as much as I'd love the kids to have their mother around to care for them, I've grown sick of her just leaving and coming as she pleases.

Being here alone with my grandma, I can feel her sadness. I'm sad she'll be going once again.
All she wants is the best for my dad, but I guess he can't seem to see that.

He's turned almost everyone against him because of his choices.
I just want to find someone new for him. Its not like I wanted him to be alone forever, but just for a while to get himself straightened out.

Its a nice day out, but I don't feel like leaving her alone in this house.

YES!

No School tomorrow!
WHOOOHOO!


On another thought, whatever-- I really don't care anymore.
*I just need someone to vent on who won't judge my opinions.

Why is it?

Why is it that every single time, something is about to happen, I get all excited over, and everything seems to fall into place just perfectly. Some thing always has to ruin it at the VERY LAST MOMENT!

GOD! It drives me NUTS!! I get so ANGRY!

I swear, EVERY SINGLE TIME! this happens to me. I'm beginning to lose all hope in everything and I'm even being very cautious to what I say or do now, I don't know why, but I just feel very superstitious now. Since every single time this happens to me.

Gosh, I just really want a vacation from everything.

Stressing out about everything.
The Snow, MCA testing, Finals, School, ACT's, Placement test for NHCC, Driving test, Appointments in which i have to miss school for, And I need a job, and PROM.
All of this is in the month of April.

My head is hurting now.